Building Relationships Without Losing Authority
As we navigate through our careers and businesses, one truth remains constant: relationships form the bedrock of our success. Without knowing how to build meaningful connections with colleagues, associates, and clients, even the most talented among us will find our progress limited. Today, I would like to share my personal journey of relationship-building, complete with its triumphs and stumbles.
Big Win
In 2009, while working at KPMG, I received my first opportunity to lead a team of consultants on a substantial government project. This was a significant milestone in my career, suddenly, I had four team members looking to me for direction in their daily work.
Despite being new to leadership, I approached this responsibility with intentionality. I made it my mission to develop strong relationships with each team member. I took time to understand not just their professional capabilities, but also their personal aspirations. What dreams were they pursuing beyond our project? What skills did they hope to develop? Where did they see themselves in five years?
This relationship-centered approach paid dividends. By understanding their individual goals, I could align project responsibilities with their development needs. When Matthew mentioned his interest in financial modeling, I ensured he took the lead on our budget forecasts. When Sarah expressed ambition toward client-facing roles, I invited her to important stakeholder meetings.
The result was a motivated team that felt both seen and supported. Our project progressed smoothly, and each team member grew professionally while contributing their best work.
Big Loss (Lesson)
However, this success story has an important caveat. As our project continued, the professional boundaries I had established began to blur. Our good working relationships gradually transformed into friendships, we began sharing personal stories, enjoying lunches together, and developing bonds beyond our professional context.
While this created a pleasant work environment, it revealed its drawbacks when pressure mounted. Several months into the project, our government client unexpectedly accelerated multiple deadlines. Suddenly, I needed to demand more from my team, longer hours, faster turnarounds, and heightened attention to detail.
Here is where my leadership faltered. The friendships I had cultivated made it uncomfortable to assert authority and establish firm expectations. When deadlines loomed, I hesitated to hold team members accountable for delays. When quality issues arose, I struggled to provide direct feedback. My discomfort with potentially damaging these friendships compromised my leadership effectiveness precisely when strong direction was most needed.
We missed several critical deadlines, which strained our relationship with the client and created unnecessary stress for everyone involved. This experience taught me that while positive relationships remain essential, maintaining appropriate professional boundaries serves everyone better in the long run.
Today, I maintain warm, supportive relationships with my team members while preserving the professional distance necessary to lead effectively when challenges arise. This balanced approach has proven far more sustainable and beneficial for all parties involved.
Action Points
- Relationship Inventory Exercise: Take 30 minutes this week to evaluate your professional relationships. For each key relationship, ask yourself: “Do I know this person’s professional goals? Have I maintained appropriate boundaries? Can I provide constructive feedback without hesitation?” This reflection will help you identify relationships that need rebalancing.
- Boundaries Communication Plan: Before your next project begins, draft clear expectations for team communication, feedback processes, and performance standards. Share these with your team from the outset, establishing healthy professional boundaries while still fostering supportive relationships. Revisit these expectations when project pressures increase.
Missed This Cohort? The Next Navigate to Accelerate Program Starts April 17!
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