A Move That Did Not Go The Way I Planned
Some years ago, I made a big decision to leave KPMG and join a company as a full time staff member. I was excited, because the company I was joining was actually a client I had worked with before. I already knew the people. I already had good relationships with them. I expected the transition to be smooth.
The moment I walked in as an employee, something shifted. The same people who used to work with me so easily suddenly became difficult. There was tension. There was pushback. It took me a while to understand why. As a consultant, people respected the big brand I represented. As an employee, that brand was no longer behind me. I had to learn a completely new way to lead, and earn trust from a different position entirely.
That experience taught me something I still use today, and I want to share it with you now.
What Do We Really Mean By “Manager”
Before we go further, let us agree on what a manager actually is. It does not matter if you have the word “manager” in your job title or not. What matters is what you do.
A manager is someone who takes care of resources, such as time, money, or people, and uses them well to reach a goal. That goal could be selling more, spending less, or simply keeping quality high. If this describes what you do at work, then congratulations, you are a manager, title or no title.
Standing Between Two Pulls
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Here is something nobody tells you when you become a manager. You end up standing in the middle. Your boss is pulling you in one direction. Your team is pulling you in another. Your fellow managers may be pulling you somewhere else entirely.
Picture a rope being pulled from two sides at the same time. The harder each side pulls, the more the rope stretches and strains. That stretching is exactly what many managers feel every single day. It has a name. We can call it the tension in the middle.
The Five Reasons We Feel Pulled Apart
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Through years of working with managers, I have noticed that this tension almost always comes from one of five places. I like to call them the five Ps.
Purpose: Sometimes people do not agree on why something is being done at all.
Priorities: Sometimes everyone agrees on the goal, but not on what should come first.
Perspectives: Two people can look at the exact same situation and see two completely different things.
Process: People often disagree not on what to do, but on how to do it.
Personality: This is often the biggest one. Once you become a manager, you stop dealing with just tasks. You start dealing with people, and people bring their moods, their habits, and their history with them.
I always tell the managers I work with, once you reach this level, dealing with people is not separate from your job. It has become part of your job.
The One Word That Solves Most Of This
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If there is one word I want you to remember from today, it is alignment.
Alignment means you and the other person find a way to walk in the same direction, even if you started off pulling apart. Getting there is simple, though not always easy. It looks like this.
First, listen. Really listen, not just to the words, but to the feeling behind them.
Second, speak clearly. Share what you see and what you think, in a calm and honest way.
Third, welcome feedback. Do not just talk and walk away. Pause and hear what the other person has to say back.
Fourth, be willing to compromise. This does not mean giving up your values. It means being flexible about how things get done, so both sides can move forward together.
Action Points:
- Pick one work relationship that feels tense right now, and identify which of the five Ps (purpose, priorities, perspective, process, personality) is behind it.
- Have one honest conversation this week where you practice the alignment steps: listen first, speak clearly, then ask for feedback.
Coming Up In This Series
Next Saturday, we move to Part Two, where we look at your 360 degree circle, the people around you who shape your success in ways you may not even notice yet. After that, we will talk about the shift from manager to leader, and finally, we will bring it all together in Part Four.
Until next time, take good care of yourself.
The rope only breaks when you stop holding on together.
Tom