The most powerful email he never sent
I wanted to share an interesting story with you.
Sometimes, revenge feels right but if it costs you everything?
Brian stared at his laptop screen, his cursor hovering over the “Send” button. It was 11:47 PM, and he had just finished writing a strongly worded email to his colleague, James. James had taken credit for Brian’s project during the team meeting earlier that day, and the frustration had been simmering inside him all evening.
The email was perfect and eloquently crafted with just the right amount of controlled anger. It would definitely put James in his place. His finger twitched over the mouse.
Then Brian remembered something his Mum had told him about the 10/10/10 rule. “Before making any emotional decision,” she had said, “ask yourself how you will feel about it in 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years.”
Brian leaned back in his chair and played it forward:
10 minutes from now? He would probably feel a surge of satisfaction, maybe even a little victorious. The adrenaline would still be pumping, and he would keep checking his inbox for James’s response.
10 months from now? Things could get awkward. James was leading the new product launch Brian wanted to be part of. Would this email hurt his chances? Would other team members see him as difficult to work with?
10 years from now? Would he even remember James? Would this matter at all? Or would he look back and wish he had handled it more professionally?
Brian took a deep breath and created a new draft. This time, he wrote about how he valued their collaboration and suggested they meet to discuss how they could better acknowledge everyone’s contributions. He mentioned specific instances where their teamwork had benefited the company.
As he read over the new email, he felt something shift inside him. The anger was still there, but it had transformed into something more constructive. He scheduled the email to send first thing in the morning, shut his laptop, and went to bed.
The next day, James apologized for his oversight and suggested they co-present their next project. Two years later, when a position opened up in senior management, it was James who recommended Brian for the role, citing his exceptional leadership skills and ability to handle difficult situations diplomatically.
Sometimes, the emails we do not send are just as important as the ones we do.
Action Points:
- Create Your Cooling-Off System
Set up a personal rule: For any emotional email, message, or post, write it, save it as a draft, and wait at least 3 hours before deciding whether to send it. Use this time to run the 10/10/10 analysis.
Pro tip: Write “DRAFT – DO NOT SEND” at the top to prevent accidental sends. - Review this journal weekly to identify patterns and improve your decision-making process.
- What happened
- Your initial reaction
- How you would feel about your reaction in 10 minutes/10 months/10 years
- What you actually decided to do
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We had an amazing session in our webinar on Wednesday, and there’s more to come! Keep an eye out as I will be sharing a recap of the key takeaways soon, along with some truly helpful resources from the event.
Whether you missed it or want to revisit the insights shared, we’ve got you covered!
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Stay tuned, and let’s keep growing together!
